[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.2s] You've just returned back to Waterdeep.
[4.2s] It's a day off, motherfuckers!
[9.0s] Some citizens are trying to bring some cheer with the annual Old Hallows Eve Festival.
[15.0s] All hail the decimators, dragon queen, see you later, we.
[23.7s] Good day, good day, five gold!
[25.9s] Make it to the end of the haunted house and the treasure's all yours.
[29.9s] Enter and you see the edge of a pit, trapped.
[34.2s] Now watch it running there, see ya!
[36.2s] The stone archway before you is filled with a bale of thick vapors.
[40.2s] You also see runes.
[42.0s] Acerac congratulates you on your powers of observation.
[45.8s] Well this is fucking bullshit.
[47.4s] I take my dagger and I just like poke in the mouth of the, uh,
[51.0s] Oh!
[51.6s] The dazzled, in this like weird devil glory hole we found in this herby haunted house.
[60.6s] You step into the mist and you feel it envelop around you.
[65.4s] And you blink and you are in a miserable cubicle
[69.0s] which appears to have absolutely no means of egress.
[72.2s] Yeah.
[72.8s] I'm gonna need you to come in on Sunday.
[74.4s] Totally, I'm gonna have to get you to come in on Sunday.
[78.9s] There are three iron levers, you do the first two
[82.2s] and then as the third one hits the bottom, the floor gives way.
[87.6s] Donnie manages to pull his up and as he does,
[91.2s] the floor slowly begins to rise beneath your feet
[93.7s] and you find yourself standing back on solid ground.
[98.9s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[100.6s] We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast
[102.9s] and I'm your dungeon master Russ More
[104.6s] and with me today stuck in a small tiny room is Amy More.
[109.7s] That's how I feel all the time.
[111.3s] And I play Thea Amastasia.
[113.3s] And Carla Johnson.
[114.6s] And I play a new Laura Moonbrook.
[117.1s] And Tom Laird.
[118.6s] And I play Flint Firebeard.
[120.8s] Now one more time with our scary names.
[122.4s] Oh crap.
[123.0s] I play Thea Amastabua.
[126.2s] Oh yeah.
[126.8s] Oh that's real good.
[128.3s] I play Bulara Moonbrook.
[131.2s] I mean Moon seems spooky.
[133.9s] Yeah.
[134.7s] So I guess it's still just Bulara Moonbrook.
[136.3s] Full Moonbrook.
[138.8s] Oh there you go, Bulara Full Moonbrook.
[143.3s] That's good.
[143.8s] That was good, that was good.
[145.1s] No problem.
[145.6s] I still don't have a good one for Flint.
[148.2s] Spooky Flint.
[149.5s] Spooky Flint.
[150.5s] There it is.
[151.3s] Yeah.
[151.9s] Spooky Flint.
[154.6s] So yeah I mean you guys are still stuck there.
[156.6s] We'll get there.
[157.8s] Don't worry.
[158.8s] I mean you may or may not get out.
[160.8s] This might be where we end the podcast.
[162.4s] I don't know.
[162.9s] This might be where we die.
[163.5s] We won't even be there for the inevitable rise of TMS.
[166.6s] We'll be stuck in this haunted house.
[168.2s] The inevitable haunted house.
[169.4s] We don't know.
[171.2s] We do not know.
[172.6s] You do not know.
[173.4s] If this is just all for gags.
[176.0s] It's true.
[176.6s] Right?
[176.8s] That's true.
[177.2s] Yeah.
[177.4s] Because we could have fallen through there.
[178.7s] It could have just been an illusion.
[180.6s] We would have ended up on the outside of the haunted house
[183.0s] and he would have been like better luck next time.
[185.2s] I got 15 gold from you suckers.
[187.5s] We would have landed on a giant whoopee cushion
[189.6s] and everyone would have laughed at us.
[191.7s] Oh because there would have been a giant fart sound.
[193.6s] Each crowd.
[194.2s] It would have been so embarrassing.
[196.8s] And they would have been like decimator of dragons.
[198.7s] What do they decimate them with?
[200.3s] Farts.
[200.7s] And we never would have been able to show our face
[202.6s] and water deep again.
[203.4s] That's true.
[203.7s] Game over for us.
[204.8s] If you want to see more of these faces in water deep,
[207.4s] all you got to do is go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[211.2s] Join us over there as part of our community.
[214.4s] And for two bucks a month, you can join our fantastic gookangs.
[218.6s] You can legit see our dumb faces.
[222.1s] Once a month, you can see these dumb mugs for an hour.
[225.8s] Hey, people love seeing these dumb mugs.
[229.3s] So I'm told.
[231.0s] Okay, hold on.
[231.9s] Idea.
[233.0s] Next gookang.
[234.6s] Next.
[235.3s] We bring really dumb mugs.
[236.8s] November.
[237.7s] And we hold them up when we and be like,
[241.5s] here's our dumb mugs.
[243.0s] I like it.
[243.8s] I like it.
[245.3s] Superstore and Walmart has a lot of fun dumb mugs.
[249.4s] Ones that are like,
[250.6s] don't talk to me until I have my cup of caffeine.
[255.3s] Or you can go to dumbdragons.com
[256.8s] and click on our store button
[257.9s] and get a whole bunch of great mugs.
[259.6s] No, because you can also get ones that say like poop juice.
[265.0s] Ew.
[265.5s] That's just terrible.
[268.6s] Is that?
[269.1s] Wait, are we making another Austin Powers reference?
[273.0s] Because we love to make those.
[275.8s] That's true.
[276.2s] We're really powerful bastards.
[278.6s] It's a little nutty.
[279.9s] Yeah, sorry.
[281.0s] We've really derailed things for us as always,
[284.3s] but I feel like maybe even faster than normal this time.
[287.2s] And when you're part of Patreon,
[289.8s] you get an episode dedicated to you.
[291.7s] And today's episode is dedicated to Kavin Duckworth.
[296.0s] Thanks, Kavin.
[297.7s] Thank you, Kavin.
[298.8s] You're amazing.
[299.6s] You are amazing.
[302.5s] And now let's get back to this haunted house.
[307.5s] We have some more podcast reviews.
[310.9s] This is a new segment that I haven't done in a long time,
[314.0s] but Tom did the thing.
[315.4s] So if you keep giving us reviews,
[317.5s] we'll keep doing a couple in an episode.
[318.8s] Yeah, we'll read them as we go.
[320.5s] Amy, do you want me to book?
[321.3s] I got two right now.
[322.0s] Sure, do both.
[322.6s] Yeah, I'd love two.
[323.9s] Okay, so this one is by Skeptical Loki from USA.
[332.2s] And he says, he gives us five stars.
[334.6s] Thanks.
[334.8s] And he says,
[335.5s] listening to the cast riff on each other
[337.7s] and the story unfolding in unusual ways
[340.2s] is one of my podcast listening highlights.
[342.9s] Great stuff.
[344.9s] What he means when he says unfolding in unusual ways
[348.1s] is these guys are dumb and they don't pick up on it.
[350.3s] Totally.
[351.1s] When I listen to this podcast,
[353.0s] I spend a lot of time angry thinking,
[355.4s] what are they doing?
[356.9s] Why are they so dumb?
[357.9s] Why don't they go this way?
[359.2s] Yeah, it is so obvious what they should be doing.
[362.1s] Yeah.
[362.9s] And then the second one is from Zimbalina13.
[367.0s] You know this person?
[368.5s] They're from Australia.
[370.2s] I don't know them precisely.
[371.7s] I know a few people listen to us from Australia.
[373.7s] Every fiber of my being to not do a really bad
[376.2s] Australian accent right now.
[378.1s] Like talking about shrooms on Barbies and whatnot.
[380.2s] Second highest download country.
[382.2s] Oh, way to go, Australia.
[383.6s] Australia.
[385.6s] And she says, absolutely fantastic.
[387.7s] This is a great D&D actual play podcast.
[390.3s] The characters are wonderful and well played
[392.2s] and the DM is excellent at his job.
[394.6s] The show is hilarious
[395.8s] and I thoroughly enjoy listening to it
[397.6s] and laughing out loud.
[398.9s] It brings a smile to me every week.
[401.0s] Definitely a must listen to those
[402.6s] who like D&D actual play podcasts.
[405.3s] That's so nice, guys.
[406.8s] Yeah, is it possible we're reading reviews
[409.9s] of a different podcast?
[413.2s] I always wonder.
[414.2s] I mean, they don't call us out by name
[415.8s] or anything in the podcast.
[417.6s] I mean, that is so nice that it seems like,
[421.8s] really?
[422.9s] Are you sure?
[424.0s] I mean, there were no names dropped in there.
[425.8s] That's what I'm thinking.
[426.3s] It's still possible.
[427.1s] Maybe it's just a generic no.
[429.7s] We thank you.
[430.4s] It's true.
[431.0s] It's true.
[431.5s] It seems like they seem legit.
[434.9s] It just still blows my mind that
[438.5s] anyone listens to us dinguses.
[442.0s] But that's why we love you so much.
[443.4s] It's a bunch of doings.
[445.4s] Thank you very much.
[446.7s] If you want to have your review read,
[448.5s] we may move these to the interlude.
[450.6s] We'll still read them.
[451.4s] That's cool.
[452.0s] Yep.
[454.6s] But if you want to do that,
[455.7s] we'll definitely read them
[456.6s] because we appreciate you
[458.6s] and you listening to us.
[460.4s] Heck yes.
[461.6s] Let's play D&D.
[463.4s] Because you guys like,
[464.3s] you totally left me hanging.
[468.6s] Because I'm like literally just floating.
[470.6s] You're floating.
[471.9s] So that's run out, obviously.
[474.6s] What?
[475.4s] The 10 minutes doesn't continue
[476.8s] after we stop eating.
[477.9s] This is in real time.
[479.3s] You guys have been stuck in this 10-foot room
[481.5s] for a week.
[482.3s] Luckily, you brought your rations in.
[484.2s] You're fine.
[486.6s] We'd eat Donny first.
[487.8s] Just saying.
[488.2s] They've been throwing like,
[489.4s] Five Guys burgers down the chute to us.
[491.3s] It's been great.
[493.1s] I like how I can create creatures,
[494.7s] but I'm like,
[495.2s] no, we'll eat Donny first.
[500.3s] So yeah,
[500.6s] you're still stuck in this 10-foot room.
[502.2s] You've got,
[502.6s] you figured out that
[503.6s] putting all three up
[505.0s] reveals a crawl space above you.
[507.0s] Putting all three down
[508.0s] reveals a possibly 100-foot drop down.
[510.8s] Would anyone like to
[512.2s] move them to the side
[513.1s] and create a door
[514.4s] on a regular floor
[515.9s] to maybe get out of here?
[517.1s] I like that idea.
[518.6s] I think like,
[519.4s] draw a weapon first.
[521.3s] One of us, at least.
[522.6s] Maybe there's a creature or something.
[524.6s] What if we did like,
[526.2s] the left one to the left,
[527.8s] the right one to the right,
[528.8s] and the middle one up
[529.6s] and just like,
[530.1s] blew the walls and roof off this bitch.
[534.0s] That's fun.
[535.1s] I like where your head's at.
[537.0s] The merchant clearly did not think of this option.
[540.4s] No!
[541.4s] We stroll out of this haunted house
[544.7s] set up just like,
[545.7s] badass as like,
[546.7s] flames behind us just rubble.
[549.1s] Just like, brushing the dust off of our lapels.
[552.4s] A remake of like,
[553.4s] an old pop song
[554.5s] that's slowed down a little bit
[556.3s] while we walk real slow.
[557.8s] Like an emo version of an old pop song.
[560.8s] No, no, it's always like,
[561.9s] it's always like a girl singing it
[563.8s] and it's always really like,
[564.9s] ethereal.
[566.3s] Maybe acoustic.
[567.8s] Ethereal?
[568.5s] Ethereal, yeah.
[569.6s] Ethereal.
[570.6s] That's what I meant.
[571.7s] Guys, guys have been awake since 4 a.m.
[573.9s] That's fair.
[575.1s] Guys, cut us some slack.
[576.1s] Anyways, what are you guys doing?
[577.4s] Tell me.
[578.1s] Let's do this.
[578.6s] Let's get through this thing.
[579.8s] Guys, I'm gonna push the levers to the left.
[583.5s] Yeah, all the levers go to the left.
[585.9s] I take off my, I disengage my spell.
[590.5s] Okay, so you're no longer levitating.
[592.1s] I go downsies.
[593.0s] All three levers to the left and nothing.
[596.9s] Okay.
[597.3s] We shake them to the right?
[598.4s] To the right.
[599.1s] To the right?
[600.1s] All three levers move to the right.
[603.8s] Can we do my plan where we blow the walls and roof off this bitch?
[607.8s] You move one to the left, one to the right, and one up and nothing happens.
[613.4s] Okay, so it seems like that rooftop getaway is our is our best idea.
[617.8s] That's our only option, yeah.
[620.5s] Well, it's gonna climb up your ladder like a fucking peasant.
[623.6s] It's only 10 feet up.
[624.9s] So, you know, you can reach it.
[626.9s] So we can boost each other and then Johnny can just fly out there.
[630.2s] Yeah, yeah.
[631.4s] Cool, let's do that.
[633.0s] I push my lever up.
[634.2s] Moving all three up again, the crawlspace door opens back up.
[639.5s] I see it's dark up there, right?
[643.0s] It is dark up there, but, and it's pretty low.
[646.1s] We're going to have to crawl.
[647.1s] I can, I can produce flame and…
[649.3s] Oh, don't worry about it.
[650.4s] And I say banana and my orb comes out and hovers in the air.
[654.7s] I heard about your banana.
[657.8s] So I can see because y'all can see in the dark except for me, so.
[661.2s] Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring.
[662.9s] banana orb put that on the spotify playlist by the way
[667.2s] yes i feel like it's not the i mean for sure it's not the first time it's come up because
[671.7s] last time the banana sorry came out it came up Nulara's going first uh followed by sure or sorry
[677.6s] i know sorry who's going first okay i'm just i'm just trying to stabby mcgee get up there
[683.0s] all right Nulara goes first who's going behind uh i'll go next i'll go after flint and
[687.4s] donnie will go last uh it's about a three foot crawl space so it's a i mean it's it's okay you
[693.6s] can fit through it curves off to the east um and you crawl for a little while probably like 10
[700.9s] or 15 minutes and then it opens up it's a pretty long time it's a pretty long time
[708.9s] and it opens up and you see a dim lit hallway ahead of you you step out into it and you find
[716.2s] your back at the entrance to the haunted house with the red snaked path
[724.2s] i can't believe he's trapped us in another fucking place it's all in another maze we're
[731.0s] in another fucking maze is what we're doing nobody's nobody guys we're not happy about it
[736.3s] listeners aren't happy about it let's try and get out of this one a little bit faster okay
[741.4s] so it's not christmas and we're still stuck in the all-hallows-day haunted house
[745.6s] we're gonna rename the roller dungeon master to maze master yeah totally okay i guess we uh
[753.2s] can i roll for perception and see if all of the things are in the same spots everybody
[758.0s] roll for perception as you continue down the hallway okay 14 well i crit failed so
[765.4s] i don't even know where i am i got a 14 what order is everybody going in
[771.4s] i think i was gonna charge forward because i feel like i like i know where to go well last
[777.5s] time you knew what was up in there yeah okay so yeah you continue forward and you as you're
[782.1s] going down you see you get kind of well most of the way down to the end there
[788.0s] and something you didn't see before above the last trap door that you see so the last trap
[795.0s] door is snugged right up to the right wall of the hallway and it appears that there may be
[804.5s] a secret door above the trap door within the wall hey guys do you see that and i point to it
[813.6s] i think it might be a door so the so the trap door is like 10 by 10
[818.8s] yep can i reach this secret door if i go to like the edge of it
[825.7s] and like slide my hand along the wall it's a bit of a stretch but you can you can probably
[831.6s] reach it yeah and is it stone like it's like a stone cut out essentially yeah like it looks
[838.1s] like it's it just looks like it's slightly miss shaping as towards the everything is very
[843.8s] well laid in like as i said the everything is like covered in cement or some sort of masonry
[850.2s] yeah guys i think this is a door donnie would you mind flying over and pushing on it
[856.6s] i guess okay i mean you don't have to no it's fine no it's fine no no we can get we can
[862.4s] get flint's rod of lordly might it's fine yeah i feel like you rolled very high in
[869.7s] perception and this is totally okay to do what's perception wait a minute i know that word yeah
[876.2s] what's rolling that's what i mean so yeah he he uh he begins to push at it and it depresses
[886.1s] and slides back and it reveals a dark corridor that goes straight in and to the left donnie
[895.0s] the man oh yeah i knew it all along was totally going to be safe there totally trusted you uh can
[901.3s] we use the uh rod of lordly might ladder to uh certainly i can jimmy it on up there yeah i uh i
[910.4s] assemble the rod into a ladder and put it over the pit trap and we get on over there yeah you
[917.2s] get in there quite easily um and you carry down this pathway and it goes about 50 feet
[925.4s] it goes in about 10 feet and snakes down to the left and then turns back one other way
[931.6s] and you reach an end where there is a smooth wall but you feel like it's a very similar door
[938.6s] um who went in first and who's addressing this uh i guess i probably wouldn't win first you push
[944.6s] on the door and it begins to slide away revealing another chamber so you enter into
[952.6s] a new chamber that is about uh 30 feet by 30 feet and there are three chests in the chamber
[961.3s] three wooden chests three oops bosom chests that's totally what i thought you meant you both you
[969.6s] both looked down and were like writing which good for you guys and i was doing this like
[974.5s] just like oh that's why russ felt the need to go over there yeah i had my for this is an audio
[982.7s] medium but like i had my hands like big boobs out in front of me so the chests there is one
[989.4s] the westerly chest is gold plated covering iron the center one is silver and the eastern
[997.5s] one is of oak bound with thick bronze bands each is about four feet long two feet wide and
[1003.0s] three feet high go to the gold one and i investigate it
[1010.5s] that's character growth she doesn't just throw it open and poison spray everybody
[1014.6s] right that was only a 10 or maybe she does so what are you what are you doing to investigate
[1020.6s] it uh well i'm looking at like any sort of opening mechanisms any locks any traps it looks
[1029.0s] like it has a handle that you can lift and open so it's not like sealed or anything
[1034.0s] no i'm gonna check specifically for traps is that investigate again or perception
[1040.0s] investigate 20 whoa i'm looking for poison spray in my face i'm looking for poison cloud
[1048.0s] gas i'm looking for um like barbs that like shoot out of my face you see none of those
[1056.2s] things and as you're examining the chest you begin to hear a noise coming from the chest
[1063.8s] what does it sound like you put your no that is amazing you turn and put your ear
[1071.8s] near and you hear slithering inside not this one why not i think there's snakes in there
[1083.8s] oh good call okay okay good what do you guys got going on over there all right i'll go uh
[1090.9s] i'll go investigate the oak chest see what i can see and that is a 17 it looks like a standard
[1099.6s] old wooden chest you investigate for similar traps i assume yes all of the traps like amy
[1105.0s] described you find none of them you listen no snake you're no slithering okay okay i'm going
[1114.4s] to investigate uh the silver one that is a 14 it is a beautiful silver chest you don't see
[1124.9s] any traps it looks totally normal it's never totally normal and someone says this is totally
[1131.7s] normal it's totally normal it's it looks like a silver chest okay i'll retract my totally normal
[1137.6s] statement it looks like a silver chest there are no no visible traps that you can see um and no
[1143.4s] no slithering totally normal totally normal what do you think flint how confident are you
[1150.7s] about yours being not trapped i'm fairly confident i mean i'm pretty i'm pretty
[1155.8s] confident about it um what if we open them both at the same time oh i stand behind you guys
[1165.2s] with donnie totally ready i i don't know to like cast a spell or something if need be
[1171.6s] okay okay let's open them both at the same time i like that we've become chaotic
[1179.7s] right okay all right remember we're just playing the game two one one go yes a silver and oak
[1192.2s] chest open quickly at once Nulara you see within yours a clear crystal box that holds
[1201.7s] a ring and inside the oak chest springs an animated giant skeleton
[1209.7s] them bones them bones gonna walk around strikes out at flint bring it laughs them across the
[1216.3s] face like a bitch oh misses but misses reaching behind itself it grabs its shortbow and fires it
[1225.9s] directly at thea with a 19 to hit taking 10 piercing damage oh boy thea is going to cast
[1235.0s] eldritch blast on this motherfucking bony skeleton bitch boney m over there i need to make a range
[1241.8s] spell attack 17 uh we'll hit 16 damage force damage as it fires and strikes you quickly with
[1250.5s] its shortbow you let four three eldritch blasts and they strike into the skeleton
[1256.5s] welling up with this magical energy and explode the skeleton across the room
[1263.4s] sweet this might be my my first like one shot i killed it and it's like the first time
[1270.0s] you were fighting and no one had done anything yet you know what i just need more
[1275.0s] confidence you guys i think that might be my problem you're right thea i feel like do you
[1279.3s] do you want this ring in this box like you really kind of you really like blasted the shit
[1284.6s] out of that skeleton yeah you kind of earned it after that okay yeah i i am though a little
[1290.2s] wary about special objects we find now because sometimes they possess us in a negative way
[1296.4s] this is um so can i cast detect magic on this ring inside the chest there is a clear
[1307.3s] crystal box inside the box is the ring inside the ring there's inside the ring there's a
[1313.7s] village of tiny people oh my god okay i open the box can i open the box is an openable box
[1321.8s] it doesn't appear to be able to open i smash the box so you lift the box i do as you lift
[1329.9s] the box eight darts shoot always
[1342.6s] five have hit so so five out of six of them i said eight oh okay well that's better i guess
[1349.4s] so you take 20 damage but you have a crystal box oh huzzah i smashed it on the floor as you're
[1358.7s] about to smash it you notice there's a way to open it from underneath okay open it from underneath
[1363.8s] and you pull out the ring and you cast detect magic on it well no i open it i don't touch the
[1369.2s] ring and i cast detect magic on it you detect magic magic and it should be able to tell me
[1375.4s] what kind of magic you can you can detect that it is a ring of protection probably would have
[1382.6s] been good to have before the party isn't it the ring of protection will get you
[1391.6s] plus one on ac and plus one on saving throws whenever you're wearing it what the hell
[1397.4s] well no i mean that's good but my spell could have penetrated that stupid
[1401.2s] motherfucking crystal box no it was a magical box you detect that the crystal box was magic
[1406.6s] as well guys it's a ring of protection would have been nice before i got all these barbs
[1411.7s] you know like shot at my face and shit but i mean like three darts stuck in your face
[1416.2s] oh my god one in your arm and one like in your like in your side i thought i pulled them out
[1422.4s] it's a real mixed bag for thea she had that real successful skeleton exploding
[1426.7s] then some darts in the face it wasn't great but then the ring so it's it's been a real
[1430.6s] roller coaster what kind of fair ride is this peaks and valleys my friend peaks and valleys
[1435.0s] you look around the room sorry go ahead no i was just going to ask is there another
[1439.0s] exit in this room or what what do we see now or should we open the snake box
[1443.1s] as you begin to look around the room you notice no visible exits but everybody make a perception
[1447.4s] check failed again you guys wow eleven i have a 17 i'm killing these roles i am like if this
[1458.8s] is my night to have shitty roles i'll take it in the haunted house not um new laura is just
[1465.5s] like looking around i'm walking towards that gold box full of snakes
[1473.5s] guys do you see there was another one over here okay what'd you say about this box you see there
[1478.9s] is a uh what looks like to be a secret or hidden door to the south and a secret or hidden
[1487.4s] door to the north can i investigate the north door see if there's any like traps or anything
[1494.6s] you bet you can do i see these doors as well yes you do i do i go investigate the south door
[1499.8s] while he's doing the north door 15 not 20 nice they look like totally normal doors to both of
[1505.7s] you perfect oh my god what a waste of a fucking 20 i push on mine it opens up into a small
[1513.2s] crawl space and flint we're crawling on this side you guys i'm also going to push on mine
[1518.6s] secret door it opens up into a small three foot crawl space perfect well we got uh we got crawling
[1527.8s] up here too so what do you want to bet that if i crawl through here i'm gonna end up coming
[1533.0s] through your door oh that would be hilarious if that's the case right who thinks up this stuff
[1541.5s] tell you what i'll crawl through this one and we'll see if i end up at your door okay
[1545.3s] we'll just give you like a minute or so though because yeah that's fair that's what he gave
[1551.1s] you last time exactly look at us moderately splitting up the party for mere moments
[1561.7s] you follow down this crawl space there flint and it immediately curves off to the left
[1568.6s] you come out into a long great hall and as you come into this area you see a hallway
[1579.5s] where the floor is inlaid of tiles and the walls and ceilings are painted with figures
[1585.0s] of animals strange signs and glyphs you also see that there are glowing globes
[1592.9s] in this room there's 20 globes and they're all different colors and they're all different colors
[1599.6s] i look at Nulara and i just say um i'm gonna i'm gonna go through this one
[1603.4s] and just see if i meet up with them okay don't open the gold box and i go
[1612.0s] make a perception check as you crawl in uh how about a 13 you crawl in and it goes back
[1619.1s] about 20 or 30 feet and you think you see a dim light down at the end just as the floor gives way
[1628.6s] i made a mistake just as the floor gives way
[1634.8s] i made a mistake and the doorway slides closed and you find yourself back in the lever room
[1642.9s] well that's shitty
[1644.1s] i know no one can hear me from here the door closed behind her yeah make a make a perception
[1654.0s] check there Nulara oh well that's a seven
[1662.0s] Nulara tries to open the snake box you hear none of this you hear uh thea go in
[1669.5s] but the door closed quick enough that you only heard rumbled musings of perhaps something going
[1676.5s] on as thea has gone beyond your field of vision okay well i don't like this at all so i think
[1684.8s] what i'm going to do is go um to the other door where flint went i will go to that entrance
[1692.8s] and start going that way like sure calling him like flint something happened flint come back
[1698.9s] this way am i able to hear that rest i mean i'll keep i'll go in until like i hear back from you
[1706.7s] yeah absolutely you can hear that okay so i hear that so i started crawling back uh back down
[1713.0s] the hallway i came from sure do you guys meet halfway and now Nulara can't turn around
[1718.9s] and she'll be backwards and you guys are like nose to nose yeah that's fun so while we're doing
[1726.2s] that i explain thea went the other way the door closed behind her uh so i wanted to get you it
[1732.5s] seemed like a bad idea for us to be separated yeah no that's uh that's a good call let's
[1737.8s] let's go find her so i i scooch back and i scooch forward you make it back into the room
[1744.5s] with the with the chests and meanwhile i yep what are you doing i i lift up all the levers
[1751.0s] and the roof opens just as it did the last time you were in i jump up there yeah and i
[1758.1s] quickly army crawl for 15 fucking minutes flint and Nulara well we gotta go down that other
[1763.8s] door yeah um yeah i assume we like open the door and go that way yep you carry down the
[1770.4s] path who's going first i'll go first flint goes first the floor gives way beneath you
[1775.9s] and you fall in and it's slanted so Nulara falls in behind you
[1783.0s] and you find yourselves back in the lever room what does donnie do when this happens
[1787.0s] immediately does he zip in behind i think so yeah all right he stays pretty tight with me
[1793.5s] so when we get in the lever room like thea is not there thea is not there but like did
[1800.2s] we fall from the ceiling like are the levers up and the ceiling is open or it's like reset
[1806.6s] the levers are in the reset position and the ceiling closes behind you okay you think this
[1811.4s] is the same lever room from before i i mean we got to assume right this is just a haunted
[1817.0s] house on a truck right how big can it be and i hope the like she probably just went to find
[1826.4s] us right yeah i mean if this was the same one we know how to get out so let's try it i guess
[1831.5s] let's just do that so we put all three levers up all three go up and like before the ceiling
[1838.5s] opens what's thea doing uh thea takes out a piece of parchment and scrolls a note and leaves
[1844.1s] it where she lands at the beginning of this stupid fucking house and and writes meet you
[1853.0s] in the room with the chests and i leave that on the floor and i go remembering the way to go
[1860.8s] and i go through the secret door in the wall which you're gonna have to jump over which i'm
[1866.2s] gonna have to jump over but i but never mind i just wait and i just sit there
[1871.9s] there i go and not today pit not another pit you sit there and you wait for a little while but
[1882.7s] after a good amount of time flint pops his head through oh hey there they all ignore the note
[1889.8s] what note because i have the note on the floor so you still wrote the note i did i wrote it
[1896.2s] before i got there and went now i'm not realizing oh this is a bad idea oh yeah uh
[1900.7s] okay yeah well we'll meet you in the chest room uh okay now that flint's back with his ladder
[1909.8s] yeah i get the rod into his ladder position over the pit and you guys make it back to the chest
[1915.8s] room chests are still busted up like we everything looks to be as you left it okay cool
[1922.7s] oh my god was yours any better flint yeah was it just a pit or can i just take you back
[1927.9s] no it wasn't a pit actually went to a different place with a bunch of weird globes
[1934.0s] okay i'll take that over falling and then crawling falling and crawling i just don't want
[1939.4s] you know i'm so tired of repetition let's go to this new place yes please all right let's do it
[1948.7s] oh hello i'm your dungeon master Russ More thank you for joining us for episode 61 of
[1953.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons the part two of our haunted house of horrors from last week's halloween episode
[1961.2s] another big thank you to spencer joe for writing the song water deep which kicked off
[1964.8s] the episode recap today if you need music written and performed for your podcast game
[1969.3s] or other piece of media spencer joe is in the commission scheme you can send him an email
[1973.4s] to spencer joe music that's spencer j o music at gmail.com he's an amazing artist
[1979.4s] who can certainly help you out with whatever you need i'll link all his details in the description
[1984.9s] another way you can support the show and join an amazing community is by joining us on Patreon
[1989.0s] that's Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where for a monthly pledge you can have access
[1994.1s] to an amazing community of people as well as get access to a whole bunch of amazing perks
[1999.6s] i'm going to say amazing one more time because that's what i'm feeling today like
[2003.6s] monthly bonus episodes dm notes gook hangs and we're even looking to add a few new
[2008.3s] things to help build up the community for the new year check out all the details at Patreon.com
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[2027.1s] every little bit helps get us out in front of more people who will hopefully love the show as
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[2035.6s] dumbdragons.com so go check out the website and join follow or like where you can today
[2041.0s] and a huge thanks to sirenscape for some of the amazing sounds and atmosphere that you heard
[2044.6s] in today's episode make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games
[2049.4s] to life links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description and the next
[2053.8s] episode will be out wednesday november 14th but let's see how we can wrap up this old
[2059.1s] hallows eve night back here in the haunted house have a great week we'll talk to you soon
[2073.0s] you end up in this great hall of spheres and you see 20 spheres down the line of this
[2081.8s] long fucking hallway and what flint didn't quite notice because he was so enamored with all
[2087.8s] these colorful spheres real colorful guys is down along the south wall there is an open archway
[2097.1s] and up near the north wall off to the left there is another pathway the archway looks very
[2104.4s] similar to the one when you guys entered and went to the left with the mist i don't want to
[2112.0s] go through that one if we end up back in the lever room i'm gonna fucking i'm just gonna i
[2118.6s] i won't i can't handle it you guys um what do you think these orbs do i don't think they're
[2124.6s] gonna do anything good what was that thing about the colors again uh let me read it
[2128.3s] to you off of this piece of parchment that i had scrawled all right so shun green if
[2133.8s] you can but night's good color is for those of great valor so like maybe black so black
[2138.6s] and green maybe are cool uh red stands for blood that's never good the wise will not need
[2143.8s] sacrifice ought but a loop of magical metal oh i think i'm good with my ring
[2150.0s] just throwing that out there two pits along the way will be found to lead to a fortune
[2155.2s] no we did that one we checked the wall we really should have been looking at this paper
[2160.1s] throughout this because it's spelling everything out for us you guys um so check the wall
[2166.1s] because that's where we got these keys and those are most important of all and beware
[2172.8s] of trembling hands and what will maul okay if you find the false you find the true and into
[2182.3s] the into the columned hall you'll come and they're the throne that's key and keyed
[2188.6s] and then we're going to meet some iron men grim faces oh god okay so we're looking
[2194.9s] for like statues of some sort i guess so green and green and black maybe might be
[2200.1s] our colors uh what colors well this is chung green if you can that's usually not a good
[2206.1s] thing so are there black balls there is a black sphere on the east wall about midway down
[2215.1s] in the hall there is a black sphere at feet
[2224.2s] what if we're like totally wrong about the spheres being good and it just like vaporizes
[2229.4s] fast yeah that's it that's a possibility um but it's all just it's all just an illusion
[2235.5s] remember the guy told us it's fine yeah you know what though right this pain feels pretty
[2241.5s] real as i'm still bleeding from my face wounds and like from the barbs and shit and i don't want
[2248.5s] to go first that's what i'm saying i don't want to go first why don't we go at least like
[2253.0s] check out this black sphere sure i'm just gonna look at it real close it looks like a glowing
[2260.5s] lovely sphere suspended at about feet height when i see that Nulara hasn't been vaporized i
[2266.4s] come over and i also investigate the sphere um uh but instead i just see a very pretty so
[2275.5s] beautiful like one of those fushigi balls you feel you can manipulate the spheres there Nulara
[2284.3s] okay like like mentally
[2289.8s] okay now like cup it sure would be cool if you followed us along everyone would think
[2296.6s] you were everyone would think you were a real cool sphere if you just solved this mystery for
[2302.7s] us i couldn't think of how to manipulate something i mean i know i know that's what he
[2309.7s] means but i couldn't think of a joke thing to say to try and be manipulative sure
[2314.8s] um okay i am going to very very carefully because it seemed like there was something
[2326.5s] in the runes about like trembling hands or something um try to pick up the black orb
[2336.1s] you begin to move it and you find that it can't move side to side but instead it can only move
[2344.8s] up and down along what feels like an invisible pathway for it you look at all the other globes
[2353.5s] and notice that they are at varying heights as well some are head height some are to the
[2360.4s] ceiling some are down low like this one so you can move it up and down so are the spheres like
[2367.3s] basically lining the walls of the hall then okay yeah oh okay so this sphere is directly across
[2375.0s] from this sphere a gray sphere held at shoulder height um i don't really want to get hurt
[2384.6s] anymore but i have an idea Nulara what if we moved our spheres so that they were
[2389.4s] equi distance from the ceiling together like so like the same height okay i like it i like
[2398.2s] any kind of plan let's try it i go over to the gray one and i investigate it first
[2403.9s] i do better 13 it's a beautiful sphere damn it's so pretty maybe i'll just move mine down
[2411.3s] to like the knee height i just don't feel like it should be around any internal organs like i
[2416.3s] don't want to be like chest height or head height or anything like that so i stand to the side i'm
[2421.9s] not like behind directly in the line and i'm and i just and i gently just kind of like
[2427.9s] lower it until it's about the same height okay the other one they get to the same height
[2435.5s] and they are at the same height god damn let's let's say you're just wandering around the hall
[2440.5s] here and um you're just like looking at all these beautiful spheres man an iron
[2446.3s] a man in an iron mask do you see any leonardo de caprio's
[2451.8s] yeah has has anything like grabbed my attention um well i mean you probably walk
[2456.9s] down to check out the archway more closely and as you step closer to it three stones in the
[2462.8s] archway in front of you begin to glow the left hand base shines with an olive hue one on the
[2470.0s] right glows citron and the keystone seven feet overhead gives off russet light
[2479.0s] what color is russet is that brown like a potato like brownish reddish like dried blood
[2486.4s] color okay perfect yeah love it which i feel like was one of the things in the thing wasn't
[2493.2s] there something about blood uh i mean it's russet is technically considered brown but
[2498.2s] is a pale reddish brown okay sure i'm just gonna go out on a limb and touch the yellow one
[2504.0s] oh bold good for you just happening guys you touch it and nothing happens to you
[2512.6s] nothing happens to it it still continues to glow at about the same intensity that it was before
[2518.3s] i look over and i see him touching the yellow one can i find a matching orb yeah that's what
[2522.6s] i was wondering is there any like corresponding like olive russet citron ones in a row or um
[2530.6s] like yellow blue orange in a row like in that other room of glowing or no there's i will
[2539.3s] there's i will give you the quick rundown there's a gold an orange a purple a bronze a gray a bright
[2545.0s] blue a white a turquoise a scarlet a pale green a pale blue a silver a green a yellow a pink a
[2552.2s] black a pale violet a red a buff and an indigo i'm sorry the citron is not yellow well this
[2560.2s] is that those are different things that was like the glowing thing in the arch and then
[2563.4s] the other thing was the other thing right um what about indigo could be the color of night
[2570.6s] let's go let's go move that one around see if something happens do it yeah you begin to move
[2576.8s] it around and nothing appears to happen in the room can i go and investigate the other
[2582.5s] exit yeah you walk down to the end of the hallway and it appears to be a darkened hallway
[2588.8s] that goes back about 20 feet and curves off to the right guys i think we just have to pick
[2594.3s] one of these exits to go through and just see kind of what happens hey we're terrible
[2599.8s] at puzzles anyway so let's just try that other exit see what happens yeah sounds good we're
[2604.4s] gonna go through the one play to our strengths or no glowy stones let's say no glowy stones
[2610.7s] yeah i was thinking that too okay perfect we go into the no glowy stones you walk down the
[2616.2s] hallway who's going first i'll go first so you flint you get down and you can see into what
[2622.6s] looks like a small room that holds what appears to be a statue of a gargoyle eight feet tall
[2628.0s] with four arms one of the arms is broken off and lies on the floor in front of the statue
[2634.8s] so really he has four arms not just four arms he has four arms with four on his four arms
[2641.5s] arms one of them is broken off so really only has three arms
[2648.1s] uh what did the thing say about the iron face thing something about that yeah it says the
[2653.8s] riddle only works in hindsight for us anyway but yeah the iron men of the zaars grim do more
[2660.8s] than meets the viewer's eye okay so he's not just a pretty face he does something else too
[2669.9s] for sure um and bust us out of here let's reattach that arm i pick up yeah can we try
[2677.6s] reattaching his arm yeah sure i support it okay who's doing who's doing i pick up his arm and
[2686.7s] try to like piecemeal it back onto the statue of the gargoyle are you like spitting on it and
[2692.1s] stuff to like try to create some sort of clue no i'm just like kind of cleaning it with
[2696.7s] my shirt and like trying to get it on there no no matter what you do it doesn't appear to
[2702.0s] reattach itself and nothing appears to happen with the gargoyle make a perception check as
[2706.6s] you're doing this that is a 14 as you're doing this you see that there is a one of his one of
[2715.0s] its hands is open and outstretched and you see it's an open hand that something could be
[2723.3s] put into look around see what else is in the room is it just as big statues or anything else
[2728.1s] is there writing on the statue you see nothing of any sort you look at the other hands and they
[2735.6s] are equally outstretched like you could place a gem i think we gotta find something to put in
[2742.1s] these open hands there guys shall we try the other arch i guess so okay let's do it
[2751.2s] defeated the three adventures walked through the other arch certain they're going to end up in
[2757.2s] that fucking lever room again yeah exactly you walk towards the arch and as you have walked
[2763.5s] down to the other side the stones stop glowing but as you come close the three stones of the
[2767.4s] archway begin to glow again the mist inside begins to swirl who goes in first or you just
[2774.4s] kind of all going in single file doing it up this time i mean probably we all just kind of
[2783.1s] you all three walk through the mist envelops you and you find yourself back at the beginning
[2790.2s] of the maze but instead of the stone floor it has turned back to wood and you look down
[2798.2s] and the three of you are completely naked now we're talking
[2805.9s] you hear
[2809.4s] from outside the curtain that you turn around and see the voice of the merchant and he says
[2815.0s] well there's your three chances hope you try again next time hey
[2819.8s] your clothes are out here and he tosses them through the curtain
[2824.2s] i have no idea what happened do i have my real damage we did not solve the riddle we did do
[2833.2s] you have your what did i take all that damage actually like i'm coming out bleeding and broken
[2837.6s] no you're back to full health fuck
[2844.1s] i'm so confused i'm i'm well it wasn't scary so i guess you get stressed so i can sleep
[2851.8s] tonight you guys you guys coming out now because i got another group looking to go in
[2858.9s] i guess i mean come on it comes out like still buttoning up her shirt i try to warn the people
[2866.4s] like it's not really did you already pay the five gold because you did okay well good luck
[2874.2s] thank thanks yeah and they head in uh to the haunted house
[2882.6s] so did you have funny obviously i mean you look like you got something there
[2887.4s] yeah i hold out my hand for him to see
[2891.1s] a ring of protection well i mean at least you made it that far yeah for sure would love to
[2897.7s] have you back again next time i'm through maybe well you know like we'll just see what
[2902.5s] our schedule looks like we might be too busy saving the world decimator i understand i understand
[2908.4s] inevitable rise etc etc bad solving puzzles if we'd known it was a puzzle house we probably
[2915.2s] wouldn't have gone in but i was just gonna see a ghost or something i hope there's no
[2921.5s] puzzles in uh in saving the end of the world god me too yeah it's been real straightforward
[2927.4s] thus far so i think we're all right all right well it's just punching and stabbing
[2932.6s] because we're okay that's where we live that's our sweet spot is punching and stabbing
[2939.4s] and casting spells thea i don't mean to sell you short oh no that's okay my my spells
[2944.7s] punch and stab for me really oh perfect yeah uh okay well thanks for the super fun time sir
[2953.6s] i look at my friends and i say you want to find a corn maze
[2960.2s] you guys head off to find a corn maze um and there's a joke because we just came out of
[2967.4s] fucking mazes you guys head off perhaps into the yawning portal in we'll say because it's
[2972.2s] right there time to get drunk probably run into flamingans let's be honest she was real into
[2977.1s] that place you open the door and it's a loud ruckus event going on and you hear somebody's
[2988.0s] and then the camera pans back to the haunted house and the the old merchant
[2994.4s] he looks over to you as you go in and we see his eyes glow a deep dark red
[3007.1s] music
[3021.5s] music in today's episode was by Kavin mcleod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
[3027.0s] it's it's totes dark in here right it is dark pretty dark okay so i'm going she could ask me
[3034.1s] because i've been up there you know sorry jeez i was asking tell us you want to be and like
[3040.5s] yeah shame oh he's covering his face chamber of commerce chamber of horrors maybe yeah exactly
[3051.9s] chamber of secrets um bed chamber took me a while sorry chamber pot oh that's a good one
[3063.8s] yeah what happened and tell us shut up does he have a boner that's my question
[3073.4s] is it an angry boner should i get my d boner out oh my god angry boner what a classic that
[3081.1s] is a classic like five years ago i was gonna say it's been about a year at all a year
[3088.8s] since we last discussed the angry boner that it even was a thing i won't ever let it die
[3095.8s] reaching behind itself it grabs its short bow and fires it directly at theater with a 19
[3102.5s] to hit because you know what um DMs are totally unbiased and if you piss one off it will not
[3111.0s] come back to buy you in the ass okay i am going to
[3122.9s] l
[3125.6s] drich blast this okay now say that again without dragging out no i know i'm sorry find dwarven
[3131.8s] bride three more chests but this time it is the boob kind
[3143.6s] i'm having may's flashbacks totally and you end up back in the sundial room
[3153.8s] god damn it sometimes you just have to jerk off the giant deck
[3161.9s] well for that enormous devil glory hole now
[3167.0s] there's gotta be a big three-foot dick here somewhere it's not a haunted house if there
[3172.8s] isn't that's right i've never been in a haunted house that didn't have a giant three-foot dick
[3176.6s] somewhere come on same as the other one the keystone and the two bottom pieces glue the one
[3182.0s] on the glue glued i think that's how you say that they began to glow the glutes
[3192.1s] Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production